I never thought that I would be trapped in so many whirlwinds of stressful thoughts about where I’m taking my life. There are so many different options to choose from, and so many decisions that have to be made. I feel like I am falling into an endless pit, awaiting my final decision that will inevitably lead me into the unknown that is my future.
I have spent much of the last two years struggling about where I am going in life. I make one decision and then change my mind not even a week later. I make another decision and then change my mind again. I realize now that the reason why I always changed my mind was because I let my nerves choose for me.
There are so many things that leave me out of my comfort zone. I am not the type of girl who willingly challenges herself by walking into something blind. I am afraid of what could be, and I realize now that those nerves have constantly landed me where I was in a clueless state for so long. I used to think that I would never allow myself to do things that were out of my comfort zone.
Acknowledging the fact, I decided to take a stand for myself. Pushing my nerves and fears aside, I looked into colleges that would benefit me. Even though I am nervous about going away for college (or the whole college experience in general), I am taking the opportunity to make something of myself and my writing. Am I afraid? Of course I am. But after talking to a lot of people regarding college, I have come to the conclusion that I will be more upset for not taking a chance that could lead me in a great direction, than allowing fear to overpower going to college and starting something new.
Even though I am still terrified of what could be, it is something I will grow past. I need to take a chance. I need to take a risk. Hopefully this will allow me to grow into a whole new person. So, yes, I am afraid. But at the same point I’m excited as well. I am taking the opportunity to apply to some great writing colleges that will enable me to get away from what I have been living in to experience something completely new. A year ago I would have refused to think about going anywhere that wasn’t local.
Somehow, I found myself through all the stress. I figured out that my weaknesses didn’t have to destroy what could be. I decided that taking a stand is something worth doing, because if I don’t I will regret it for a long time.
Barbara C. Doyle is a 17-year-old from Cherry Valley. She has written two novels and is working on a third. Follow her on her Facebook fan page, https://www.facebook.com/AuthorBcDoyle?ref=hl.#sthash.nR4RzBKh.dpuf and read her blog at http://authoratsixteenbcdoyle.blogspot.com/.