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Columns

January 31, 2013

And finally, the bottom of the barrel ...

Retirees … and why they like retirement!

Question: How many days in a week?

Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday

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Question: When is a retiree’s bedtime?

Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.

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Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb?

Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.

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Question: What’s the biggest gripe of retirees?

Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.

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Question: Why don’t retirees mind being called “Seniors”?

Answer: The term comes with a 10 percent discount.

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Question: Among retirees what is considered formal attire?

Answer: Tied shoes.

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Question: Why do retirees count pennies?

Answer: They are the only ones who have the time.

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Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?

Answer: NUTS!

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Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?

Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.

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Question: What is the best way to describe retirement?

Answer: The never-ending coffee break.

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Question: What’s the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?

Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.

And finally ...

Question: What do you do all week?

Answer: Monday to Friday, Nothing. Saturday and Sunday, I rest!

The bathtub test …

It doesn’t hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started. During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

“Well,” said the director, “we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.”

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