Retirees … and why they like retirement!
Question: How many days in a week?
Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday
Question: When is a retiree’s bedtime?
Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.
Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb?
Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.
Question: What’s the biggest gripe of retirees?
Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.
Question: Why don’t retirees mind being called “Seniors”?
Answer: The term comes with a 10 percent discount.
Question: Among retirees what is considered formal attire?
Answer: Tied shoes.
Question: Why do retirees count pennies?
Answer: They are the only ones who have the time.
Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?
Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.
Question: What is the best way to describe retirement?
Answer: The never-ending coffee break.
Question: What’s the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?
Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.
And finally ...
Question: What do you do all week?
Answer: Monday to Friday, Nothing. Saturday and Sunday, I rest!
The bathtub test …
It doesn’t hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started. During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
“Well,” said the director, “we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.”