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January 31, 2013

And finally, the bottom of the barrel ...

(Continued)

“Oh, I understand,” said the visitor. “A normal person would use the bucket because it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup.”

“No.” said the director, “A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?”

A Riddle...

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.

Michael J. Fox has a small one.

Madonna doesn’t have one.

The Pope has one but doesn’t use it.

Clinton uses his all the time.

Bush is one.

Mickey Mouse has an unusual one.

Liberace never used his on women.

Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his.

Cher claims that she took on 3.

We never saw Lucy use Desi’s.

What is it?

It’s a last name, of course.

Inner peace...

If you can start the day without caffeine; if you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains; if you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles; if you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it; if you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time; if you can take criticism and blame without resentment; if you can conquer tension without medical help; if you can relax without a glass of wine; and if you can sleep without the aid of drugs; then you are probably the family dog!

And now we close out our month of jokes with one of our most favorite form of humor, namely that ever popular play on words.

The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

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