Eventually, I was left alone with my lettuce. Not wanting to cause any further existential disquiet, I respun the not-dry-enough batch to meet specifications. I accepted that as a metric. What I would not do, and will never do, is reduce kitchen artistry to quantification. Otherwise, why mess around in the kitchen at all? As for the dryness issue, next time I might hang each leaf out on the clothesline to dry au naturel. I love sundried tomatoes. Why not try out sundried lettuce?