Last year at about this time we took a much needed vacation from writing this column. And while that proved quite successful for us, some of our readers had other ideas about such a vacation and did not hesitate to share them with us. Consequently, this year when our annual spring vacation rolled around we did not even consider a hiatus from the column.
Instead, we scurried about to come up with columns that could be written before our departure to be run in the paper during our absence.
And this week’s column is fortunately the last of these written ahead offerings as it contains but one item regarding the Cooperstown community.
We note that the next meeting of the Literary discussion Group, sponsored by the Women’s Club of Cooperstown will next meet on Thursday, May 27 at 2:30 p.m. in the Village of Cooperstown Library. The book for discussion will be ``People of the Book’’ by Geraldine Brooks.
The meeting is open to the public.
Unfortunately, now that we have included our one real news item, we find ourselves scrapping the bottom of the proverbial barrel to complete the column with items that we found amusing that have been sent to us via e-mail.
The first one is: ``A group of 40 year old girlfriends discuss and discuss where they should meet for dinner. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at Luigi’s Restaurant because the waiters there are hot looking and muscular.
``10 years later, at 50 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at Luigi’s Restaurant because the food and the wine selection there is very good.
``10 years later at 60 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at Luigi’s Restaurant because they can eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant is smoke free.
``10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at Luigi’s Restaurant because the establishment is wheel chair accessible and they even have an elevator.
``10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at Luigi’s Restaurant since they have never been there before.’’
The second one is: A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph’s Hospital. She timidly asked, ``Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?’’
The operator said, ``I’ll be glad to help, dear. What’s the name and room number of the patient?’’
The grandmother, in her weak, tremulous voice, said ``Norma Findlay, Room 302.’’
The operator replied, ``Let me put you on hold while I check with the nurse’s station for that room.”
After a few minutes the operator returned to the phone and said, ``I have good news. Her nurse just told me that Norma is doing well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back normal and her physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged tomorrow..” The grandmother said
``Thank you. That’s wonderful. I was so worried.
God bless you for the good news.’’
The operator replied, ``You’re more than welcome.
Is Norma your daughter?’’ The grandmother said, ``No, I’m Norma Findlay in Room 302. No one tells me anything.’’
And finally, the third one is: ``If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of him and never say its not quite as good as his mothers, then buy a dog.
``If you want someone always willing to go out, at any hour, for as long and wherever you want, then buy a dog.
``If you want someone who will never touch the remote, doesn’t care about football, and can sit next to you as you watch romantic movies, then buy a dog.
``If you want someone who is content to get on your bed just to warm your feet and whom you can push off if he snores, then buy a dog.
``If you want someone who never criticizes what you do, doesn’t care if you are pretty or ugly, fat or thin, young or old, who acts as if every word you say is especially worthy of listening to, and loves you unconditionally, perpetually, then buy a dog.
``BUT, on the other hand, if you want someone who will never come when you call, ignores you totally when you come home, leaves hair all over the place, walks all over you, runs around all night and only comes home to eat and sleep, and acts as if your entire existence is solely to ensure his happiness . . . .then buy a cat!
Now be honest, you thought I was going say...marry a man, didn’t you?’’
In closing, we are reminded of that old saying ``Be careful what you wish for.’’ Mayhap a spring vacation from the column is not really all that bad an idea after all.
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